I worked at a private club, once. One guy, in his mid-20s, came in with the rest of his family-about 10 people. Despite his young age, he was obviously taking up alcoholism as a hobby and he wasn’t a nice drunk, either. In fact, I’d waited on him previously, and he was a pretty insufferable piece of shit. What’s the matter?” asked the psychologist. “ Don’t you want to play with all these wonderful toys?” If you have ever worked in customer service in the food industry, you know that it’s a thankless job. Especially if you encounter a rude customer who flips out when you ask them the simplest questions. So even if you deal with clients on a regular basis and already know the nooks and crannies of the job, some of them can be so irrational that it’s difficult to know how to react.

Later she chases the not bisexual friend all over the house in... a very predatory [manner] - I physically stop her by grabbing her wrists and say, "What the hell is going on with you?" She replies, "Go ahead, break my wrists." Eliza recounts a story from her first year in college. “I was with my boyfriend in his dorm room. His roommate was away for the weekend (or so we thought). I’m under the covers giving him a blow job and having a good time. I don’t even hear the key turn in the door or anything— all of a sudden I just hear his roommate talking.”

Someone Came And Cut A Dozen Roses Off My Rose Bushes

Elsewhere, children's librarian Jo Clarke aka Bookloverjo shared her recommendation for children who love Horrid Henry's anarchic humour and chaotic storylines - Spangles Mc Nastyby Steve Webb and Chris Mould. As a teenager I was confused that there was lots of different words for ‘sex’. I thought each of the words for ‘sex’ meant something distinct. I thought there were many more different kinds of sex things that I was going to have to get my head around before I became an adult. But then I realised that most of them referred to the same sort of basic penis penetration stuff. And that’s how I came to understand the richness of the English language.” – David Mitchell It’s strange but true that reading sad short stories when you’re wallowing in your own negative emotions can actually provide some much-needed comfort. Maybe it’s that we recognize that others have felt our feelings before, in a sort of literary camaraderie; maybe it’s just that we feel validated. Either way, a good sad short story (especially a sad love story!) can be balm for the soul. You’ve come to the right place When I came out, she’d set food on the table (some which wasn’t meant to be served.) She also gathered branches and leaves from the yard and created a table scape? We made small talk as I chopped vegetables for a frittata and she whipped eggs. She did most of the chatting. That is an almost impossible question. It does not have a good answer because every reader has different opinions and preferences. Different stories remind them of their own experiences. When something feels familiar, they tend to like it. But there are a couple of short stories that have become famous because they resonate with lots of people. They are also good examples of ironic stories.

She points to one of our outdoor diners at the end of an alley, talking to her group of friends quietly and casually. She is also breastfeeding her child. I am the first to admit, I’m not a pro at giving head but I try,” says Trisha. “One night, I was pleasuring my new boyfriend and I removed my mouth for a second to breathe when all of a sudden he ejaculated— right up my nose. It felt like I was drowning for a second and I began choking. He thought it was hysterical— I was mortified by the whole thing. I spent the next half hour blowing my nose.” Tell us about your embarrassing sex stories in the comments below! If it makes you feel any better, I once had a retail customer throw a penny at my face while I wasn’t looking and scream “GIMME ANOTHER PENNY! THIS ONE’S DIRTY!” 9. Dirtbag… Well YOU kept me waiting, so I decided to keep YOU waiting. Not very nice, is it?” complete with infuriatingly smug smile, and this is coming from my co-worker, who is perhaps the most patient and sweetest person I know.Sex is like playing Bridge – if you don’t have a good partner, you better have a good hand.” – Peter Kay

On The Big Fat Quiz of the Year] “I’ve answered at tedious length. ‘Tedious Length’ is also my porn name.” – David Mitchell I’ve been taking Viagra for my sunburn. It doesn’t cure it but it keeps the sheets off my legs at night. Had a party when I was about 15, more jelly and ice cream than shots and going wild as we were fairly sheltered. Somebody brought along their friend, who looked a similar age to us (quite short) but he was actually 23 at the time. He brought along a bottle of vodka and proceeded to drink 3/4 of it within a couple of hours, we're talking 7pm here. Nobody else at the party was drinking at all, just chilling and playing MTG. He proceeded to ignore the two different bathrooms and went into the kitchen, where my parents were trying to avoid cramping my style, and vomited into the kitchen sink all over the plates, and then left without saying anything or helping to clean up. Mr and Mrs Smith,” he said, “ I’m sure you’re exaggerating. I’m happy to review their behaviour for you but I’ll be surprised if your boys are any different to any other young kids.” The not bisexual friend (who was so upset she took a self-defense course) made up an excuse to stay in the bathroom for an hour. We had a fire outside where the weird guest remarked, "There are three things you can watch forever, a river flowing, fire burning, and someone being hurt."Then I went around to the rest of the table and politely inquired as to their meals, if I could get them anything, anything at all. Everyone loved their meals. They loved me. I solicitously fulfilled every request. Looking at my penis, I find it endlessly fascinating. It’s 46 years old, my penis. 46! It’s older than the Sydney Opera House, my penis!” – Rhod Gilbert Worse part was the shorts and tshirts that they both had on were dirty and visibly so. I told them we had clean clothes and offered that up but they said they were fine. They ended up leaving the next morning. Customer: “I don’t care! I have my teenage boys with me and it’s offensive to expose them to… to that! “ My best friend was the first woman's daughter. Well, she had hatched a plan and without really offering an explanation, convinced me to initiate a game of truth or dare.