Low mood / depression: Over time your anxiety can turn to low mood. On the other hand, you may have internalised your anger towards your father and him being absent and feel depressed as a result. Anger and resentment: Frustration, anger, or resentment towards the absent or neglectful father figure for not fulfilling their role or providing support. When he then became a father himself in his early 30s he was flooded with feelings of anxiety and dread. He didn’t have a clue about how to be a father and he often hid at work as it felt so uncomfortable having a child that needed him. He felt ashamed as he had always told himself that he would be present for his children and suddenly he felt that he could not be that father he wanted to be. Once you identified negative messages from your father and childhood, start to challenge them with questions such as:

Trust issues: Difficulty trusting others, especially male figures, due to past experiences of betrayal or emotional neglect.

What Is a Father Wound?

Effects of the father wound include low self-esteem, feelings of inadequacy, shame, a performance orientation, etc. Without dwelling on it, name the injustice or the pattern of injustice that you experienced. You can forgive someone for a general trend of unfairness when there are too many individual incidents to count. How hurtful was this act or series of acts by your father? You may not recognize the term “father wound,” but you probably know the more popular phrase “daddy issues.” And while it’s mostly associated with women, men are just as likely to be impacted negatively by their fathers. This trope is also often used on television and in movies to explain a character’s complicated issues. Some examples that come to mind include Tyrion Lannister in Game of Thrones, whose father never accepted him for being born a dwarf. Or Barney Stinson from How I Met Your Mother, who never met his father until adulthood. Who these characters are as adults directly relates to how their fathers treated them. A first step is to get to know your father more deeply. What was his childhood like? Was he mistreated or bullied? Was he wounded? Although she did suffer abuse and a tough hand with her childhood this story was more about her journey through drug abuse, the court system and recovery.

You may also take this a step further and write a letter from your father to yourself where you write down everything you would have wanted to hear from him. A father wound can manifest in various emotional and psychological ways, and the specific feelings experienced may differ from person to person. Jane group up with a father was away for work a lot. When he was around, he was often hiding behind his newspaper. Jane and his younger brother were often told to be quiet because “daddy” was tired and in a bad mood. Occasionally Jane’s father would drink and then he frightened her. Jane had a friend whose father was often playing with the kids, laughing and joking with them and she wished her father was like that. As a child, she wondered why her father did not like spending time with her and blamed herself. Having difficulty opening up and connecting with others, making it hard to form meaningful, long-lasting relationships and friendships Your parents are your first example of what a relationship looks like. Most people unconsciously seek to replicate the relationship dynamic with their parents in their relationships in adulthood. Without your realizing it, a father wound may cause you to seek partners who repeat the negative behaviors of your father. This can mean a partner who’s absent, overbearing or overly critical. We seek this out because it brings a sense of familiarity and comfort. However, choosing a partner similar to your father only repeats your trauma from childhood. Cycle of AbuseFind a supportive friend or seek the help of a mental health professional who understands the grief process can help you move forward. It’s important to remember that these feelings are not universal and can vary depending on individual experiences and coping mechanisms. Such statements express regret. But you can’t hold yourself responsible for what didn’t know or couldn’t have done as a child.