That's enough for now. You have some distance ahead before this turns, but it will. If you do the right things now, that time will come sooner. Your feelings are probably all over the place. But it is still essential to be as open as possible. Realize that this is the moment you choose to figure out how you feel and react. Learning how to survive infidelity comes with a multitude of difficult choices. Don't decide right away. Before choosing to continue or end a marriage, take the time to heal and understand what was behind the affair.

The spy operation is mainly if you are considering reconciliation, because you need to now what you are reconciling with. Or if you are leaning toward divorce but you have doubts and you want to know you are making the right decision. My suggestion is to bring this betrayal into the light with the kids, family... She needs to come out of the darkness and into the light and face herself. Right now, she gets to have her cake and eat it too. Facing and working through the pain of the betrayal trauma is often exhausting, and couples do need periodic respites from this type of relationship work. But planned respites are very different from the premature closure of the trauma work that is necessary for the rebuilding process.You are letting her dictate the situation----don't go 3some, or open mge. If she is married then she needs to act married, and that is a 2some. That's what she took vows to do, for the rest of her life. I was surprised when she confirmed that she was having an affair, and was convinced that I was just jealous of her spending time with friends without me. I have been frustrated with my inability to get details. It has been like pulling teeth when it comes to getting the specifics out of her. On one hand, I don't want to know. On the other, as painful as it is, I feel like I have to know. Consulting a lawyer sounds a good idea. She isn't going to change unless she sees some real consequences of her stupid behaviour. She is going to a dark road, you should consider to protect yourself and your kids, not go along with her. IMO, let her have her choices, freely (don't include you), IF the loving caring talking won't work on her. If you have been cheated on, you may be facing a tough time figuring out how to survive infidelity and the damage that it has caused to your relationship. I need some help through this, as a grown ass bearded man crying at work is just unseemly in this day and age.

Not once in 20+ years did he voice his unhappiness or dissatisfaction. Much like your wife too. The decision to cheat is made and the betrayed spouse is in the dark.The next day (December 6th) after initially figuring out she was cheating I had to go to work. A very low production day to say the least. I get home we feed the kids and head up to the bedroom to continue the previous days initial conversation. She confesses is that she is emotionally attached and it's going to be hard to break it off. She says they only talked never anything physical, my BS meter is going off at that point but I let it go. I can see her phone records and the next day she has a 50 minute conversation with the AP. She says it's over and she want's to work it out. I say maybe I almost went to her parents and told them everything but decided against it for now. Here are some essential steps for surviving infidelity in marriage and making your relationship healthy again: 1. Get all the details on the table One study that looked at gender differences in response to infidelity found that women tend to be more distressed by emotional affairs, and men tend to become more distressed over physical affairs. Being in love produces more oxytocin and dopamine in our brains, and infidelity can disrupt the pathways that cause the release of these chemicals in our brain. When your child finds out you cheated

Among other things she is now a liar. She has no right to ask you to trust or believe anything she says or promises. Finally, if you are like most of us here you have been dealt a serious blow. It is betrayal trauma, and it hurts, so take care of yourself. Drink plenty of water, eat, and sleep. Exercise as much as you can. Take a walk today to get some fresh air and exercise.Ask her why she cheated. She most likely will say it’s because you did (or did not do) certain things. Her responses will to point the finger at you.

Everything reminds you of your past and what happened. So, go somewhere entirely new for you when you are in the process of surviving infidelity. This is where your focus should be. “You need to trust each other enough to be able to say what you’re feeling, why you might be feeling it, and to reach out to the other for help and trust that it will get a response. That’s the level of work that needs to be done. It will take sustained effort over time.” She does not see her affair in a bad light. She knows it's wrong. But she also believes in the fantasy. She believes she is connected to the AP.Please do not use this to punish your spouse for their acts; that will turn you into a permanent victim and create a power imbalance in the relationship.