All day long it’s in and out. I discharge loads from my shaft. Both men and women go down on me. What am I? A man boards a bus with six kids. When they are all settled in their seats, an old lady across leans towards the man and asks, ‘‘are they all your kids?’’ The man replied, ‘‘I work for a condom production company and these here are customer complaints.’’

I didn’t have sex at all, not a scrap til I was 67. And that was cos I’d no small change for the window cleaner. A family is at the dinner table. The son asks the father, “Dad, how many kinds of b**bs are there?” The father, surprised, answers, “Well, son, a woman goes through three phases. In her 20s, her breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her 30s and 40s, they are like pears, still nice, hanging a bit. After 50, they are like onions.” “Onions?” the son asks. “Yes. You see them and they make you cry.” This infuriates his wife and daughter. The daughter asks, “Mom, how many different kinds of p*n**es are there?” The mother smiles and says, “Well, dear, a man also goes through three phases. In his 20s, his p*n** is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his 30s and 40s, it’s like a birch, flexible but reliable. After his 50s, it’s like a Christmas tree.” “A Christmas tree?” the daughter asks. “Yes: Dead from the root up, and the balls are just for decoration.” Want more really funny stuff?

We will even include some SFW dirty jokes you can safely tell your kids! You name it – it’s on this list. When a man is in your bed, gasping for breath and calling your name, what does it mean? You didn’t hold the pillow down long enough. What do a hooker and bungee jump have in common? Unfortunately, if the rubber breaks, you are obviously screwed. I really deeply wish that you are here with me in my room on my bed & lights is off & we get under the cover together to show you my glow in the dark watch.

People think I hate sex. I don’t. I just don’t like things that stop you from seeing the television properly.” – Victoria Wood Party 🤓 Quizzes 🕹 Games ✍️ Name Generators 👋 Conversation Starters 💭 Quotes 🍿 Videos 🎓 Trivia 👼 Angel Numbers 📱 Apps Conversation StartersThey had a happy new year…if you know what I mean! 9. Why does it take 100 million sperm to fertilize one egg? Because they won’t stop to ask directions. It is my wife's birthday tomorrow, she has been leaving jewelry catalogues all around the house so I bought her a magazine stand.. A teacher attempts to teach 3rd graders about the human body, so she shows a drawing of the male reproductive organ and asks the class what it is.

What is the similarity between procrastination and masturbation? It all feels great until you realize that you’re just screwing yourself. What do you think goes inside someone dry and hard but ends up coming out wet and soft? A piece of gum.The thing I don’t get about paedophilia… Why the hell do kids find old men in dirty raincoats so sexy?” – Frankie Boyle Some other filthy jokes: What’s the difference between anal and oral sex? Oral sex makes your day. Anal makes your hole weak. Use index finger to call someone over and then say) I made you come with one finger, imagine what I could do with my whole hand. Why couldn’t the husband speak to his wife for several years? Because she asked him never to interrupt her. I’ll never look at beef stroganoff the same again! 13. Are you a trampoline? Because I want to bounce on you.

Three guys go on a ski trip together. When they get to the ski lodge there aren’t enough rooms, so they have to share a bed. In the middle of the night, the guy on the right side of the bed wakes up and says, “Wow, I had this mad dream I was getting a hand job.” The guy on the left side of the bed has also woken up and says that he’s had the same dream, too. The guy in the middle says, “Wow that’s funny, I dreamed I was skiing.” What’s the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms? One is a Goodyear, and the other is a great year. What does one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob? “If we don’t get some support, people will think we’re nuts.”Ewwwwww!!! Nuff said. 15. Did you hear about the guy who dipped his testicles in glitter? Pretty Nuts! I love you! 8. If a woman sleeps with 10 men she’s a slut, but if a man does it… He’s gay, definitely gay. Want to get laid? Then don’t ask God for beautiful women. Ask God for women who are both beautiful and horny. That would greatly increase your chances of getting laid. How do I know? I spoke with the universe. Sex Jokes Definitions One big difference between men and women is that when women say "smell this", it usually smells nice. Two men broke into a drugstore and stole all the Viagra. The police put out an alert to be on the lookout for the two hardened criminals.