Everyone in my family has forgotten what this was actually like, although the ingredients (jelly crystals, boiling water, evaporated milk) indicate: not good. So does this photograph, taken after one day in the fridge. If you gaze into the abyss, the abyss gazes also into you (Photo: Catherine Woulfe)

By the early twentieth century MELROSE produced by Roberts & Sheppey was known throughout the land and available from all chemists and stores. It did not look fine as it came out. Remember the ad where that guy was like “that’s not a cake, that’s a small windowless building”. Hmm. This pavlova achieved the impossible: although its flatness was approaching absolute, it nonetheless managed to collapse. I was left scooping cream into a crater, thinking about Escher paintings and melting ice sheets. Cream was good here but the situation really called for industrial sealant (Photo: Catherine Woulfe) 12. Marinated StrawberriesThe biscuits section of the Edmonds book famously starts with Afghans and they’re A for amazing. The puddings section starts with Apple Pie, which is more O and K for just OK. MELROSE has continued to be made and sold under family ownership. Although the conditions of life have changed, the seemingly miraculous effects of the active ingredients of MELROSE continue to provide relief for many sufferers from skin soreness and flaky skin. My mother and husband use Melrose Hand & Skin Cream because theyare in wheel chairs and need cream for their hands and elbows." Melrose has become popular over the years for its soothing properties and as an effective treatmentfor inflamed, sore, flakey and rough skin,foot problems, painful split heels and for softening hard skin. It has also proven effective for the relief of eczema.

I have found Melrose Hand & Skin Cream very useful in helping to clear up a chronic skin condition." Your product is better than any other hand and skin we have used. This includes expensive creams made by Estee Lauder and Clinique." I am writing to you because I desperately need to buy Melrose Hand & Skin Cream. I have very bad dry skin and was born with it. My mother bought every kind of lotion that has been made for my skin, but nothing has helped. Only Melrose. It’s the only lotion that helps my dry scaly skin." Someone in the test kitchen had a fatal soft spot for orange rind. There’s way too much of it in this recipe (two teaspoons versus one punnet of strawbs), just as there was in the Yoghurt Cream, a lowlight of the puddings section. (Photo: Catherine Woulfe) 11. Pineapple SnowKeen as he was to prosper, John spent much time and effort trying to develop a ‘patent’ remedy which his clientele in un-prosperous East London both needed and could afford. These look pretty great, right? Please appreciate the way the patina of the ancient oven dish complements the burnished custard tops (Photo: Catherine Woulfe) I have very bad dry skinand was born with it. My mother bought every kind of lotion that has been made, but nothing has helped. Melrose is the only lotion that helps my dry scalyskin."

The cold desserts section starts forebodingly with a recipe that largely comprises pureed canned apricots and stiff egg whites and tastes like stomach acid. We have horses and cattle. My husband likes Melrose Hand & Skin Cream since it helps his dry hands – after feeding and handling these animals." Someone gave me Melrose Hand & Skin Cream. For the first time in my life, my fingernails improved.” My husband went missing after dinner on mousse night. The kids found him in the toddler’s room, face in the mousse bowl, inhaling at pace. Before (Photo: Catherine Woulfe) 2. Blancmange

Other Skin Conditions:

An audaciously sweet, highlighter-yellow jelly to which you add egg whites beaten until stiff. You’ll be doing that a lot, by the way – adding raw egg fluff is to the cold desserts section what creaming butter and sugar is to baking. In times of stress I shall henceforth turn to flan-making. The crinkle of baking paper, the sssssh as you tip in the baking-blind rice. The stirring of the custard, which took for actual ever – well, I got through five chapters of Greta and Valdin. The pressing of strawberries and kiwifruit into that custard. It’s a shit pattern you made but who cares, because here comes the best bit: reverently painting the whole thing with hot apricot jam. (Photo: Catherine Woulfe) 4. Cheesecake