When the mother went in, she got spanked twenty-four times. When the father went in, he got spanked thirty times. It’s true, he was an adulterer, but did he deserve thirty spanks? The whole family rubbed their sore butts and limped away from the venue, feeling very naughty indeed. A wonderful invention by Alex Birch, in the form of a spanking machine, is returned after a demonstration leads to an embarrassing and painful situation for a teacher.

Size– I love how compact this spanking machine is. It is just over 8 and a half inches tall, and just over 3 inches wide (not including the holding arm/base).

Here from Germany is a fantasy of automated mass spanking on a truly industrial scale. It comes from Die Körperstrafen bei allen Völkern ("Corporal punishment amongst all peoples"), by Dr Richard Wrede (1898), who attributes it to a magazine, "Fliegenden Blättern", of 1856. It does not look to me as if it could have worked very effectively. The following contrivance would, in a measure, obviate this inconvenience:-- A machine might be made, which should put in motion certain elastic rods of cane or whalebone, the number and size of which might be determined by the law: the body of the delinquent might be subjected to the strokes of these rods, and the force and rapidity with which they should be applied, might be prescribed by the Judge: thus everything which is arbitrary might be removed. A public officer, of more responsible character than the common executioner, might preside over the infliction of the punishment; and when there were many delinquents to be punished, his time might be saved, and the terror of the scene heightened, without increasing the actual suffering, by increasing the number of the machines, and subjecting all the offenders to punishment at the same time." Given its size it’s pretty punchy, not quite what I was hoping for (I was really looking for something that could deliver on “six of the best” with a cane), but with the right choice of implement and orientation it does the job pretty effectively.

Not as naughty as me,’ said Niles, who had indeed been very naughty. He murdered a homeless man. ‘I bet I get spanked at least ten times.’Controller– We got one of the newer machines that comes with this cool little controller. I was also able to figure out how the controller works pretty easily. It has three different working modes. We can’t get spanked on an empty stomach, Brad. Anyway, if we don’t make it in time, I’ll spank you.’ Mounting hardware is not as claimed, and is a bit sloppy in general which will be causing some loss of energy from the “business end”.

Here is a Spanking Bike -- an exercise bike converted to a spanking machine by a biking group in California. "The faster you pedal, the harder you get spanked. We were amazed at how many kids got on this thing, you'd figure they got enough ass whooping at home." Unfortunately this picture does not show how the machine works in detail .... Continuous Mode – Once you turn on, this spanking machine starts spanking and doesn’t stop until you turn it off.I have kept to the 100g rule for weight. But that does not really slow the machine and the impact is still acceptable.