Did you think about what being a parent meant? What it is to begin a lifelong relationship with another human? Perhaps you had some stories in your mind about what parents are, and what they do. Stories you’ve been told since you were a baby yourself. Stories that have, perhaps, set up certain expectations for you about what ‘good’ parents do, how they behave, even how they feel inside and what they think about. There's always that moment as a parent when you feel like no matter how hard you're trying, you just can't quite get it 'right'. But the fact is, parenting is hard and once we know this and why, we can forgive ourselves for finding it a struggle, and start to look for the things that make parenting a joy. I’ve worked as a consultant and trainer for some of the largest school districts in the USA (helping teachers form stronger relationships with students), as well as with some of the most prestigious medical schools and hospitals in the USA (helping doctors form stronger relationships with patients). Congratulations on your new book ‘Parenting for Humans’ - we can't wait to read it! Could you give our readers a brief synopsis please?

Thank you! Parenting For Humans takes you through a similarprocess to the one I take clients through in therapy. Rather than offering any parenting advice, it supports you through understanding yourselfand all of the different influences on you now, not just as a parent but as a whole person. When we understand this, we can make choices about whether we actuallywant these things to influence us and how.This can also create space for us to see how these influences can colour the way we see our children and help us to see them for thewhole people they are, too. Then we can meet each other in this complex, lifelong relationship we’re in - with compassion.I’ve been told it is like ‘therapy in a book’ so I hope people can use it to support them in the often challenging task of parenting. But what is parenting? It is the act of bringing up a child. It is getting to know that child – a whole, vibrant and fascinating human being – and spending a lifetime with them. Parenting is not something we do. It is one part of a relationship that we have. Our child is the other part of that relationship. With warmth and compassion, Svanberg acts as a guide for existing or parents-to-be, promoting self-reflection and self-awareness as the best tools you can hope to have as a parent. The first sections of the book are dedicated to helping you look into your own story, events from your childhood and adulthood, sociocultural forces, your present situation, to help you understand how you might be (often unconsciously) playing into certain scripts and repeating certain stories, even those you don't want to. Maybe you swore you never would! However, according to Rebecca Sear, a professor of evolutionary demography at the London School of Hygiene and Tropical Medicine, this idea of the self-sufficient nuclear family reflects the experiences and worldviews of Western researchers rather than historical reality. The idea of the nuclear family, sustained by a male breadwinner, became particularly entrenched during the post-war period, a time when "academia was full of rich, white, Western men who looked around at their own families and just thought that that was how it's always been", Sear says. Bob Mortimer wins 2023 Bollinger Everyman Wodehouse Prize for Comic Fiction with The Satsuma ComplexAs well as learning to parent ourselves, it will show us how to parent the child we actually have, not a textbook version, but our complicated, messy child with their own powerful needs. And by tuning into their language, learning how to hold them, not mould them, we can really start enjoying them for the funny and unique human beings that they are. We hear a lot about how it takes a village to raise a child. But this conflicts with how isolated we often are as parents. The importance of having other parents around you as you parent is not only for advice or suggestion, but also for solidarity and support. What more experienced parents will often tell you is that you’ll figure it out over time, that phases pass and children change, and that it’s a marathon not a sprint. This can help us settle in for the long haul rather than focus on the urgency of problems as they arise.

It’s a hard time for new parents at the moment, with lots of difficult news about maternity services and many parents speak about there being less support around than they would like. If you are anxious about pregnancy, birth or the postnatal period do speak to your midwife. But you can also draw from the experiences of other parents, both those who are more experienced as well as those going through it at the same time. Joining a group of parents who are expecting a baby at the same time as you can create a village that you might turn tofor many years. And speaking to friends and family about their experiences can be useful- you can caveat this by asking people to tell you the things they wish they had knownor the things they found really helpful. Also think about who you would like with you when you are giving birth- often we chooseour partner if we have onebut they are usually alsobrand new to this! It canbe so supportive to have someone alongsideyouwho has experienced birth themselves and evidence shows that having continuous support throughout labour can have a number of benefits (especially someone in a doula role). With the right support and guidance, we can all totally do this parenting thing and grow a positive and loving relationship that will last forever. There are many parenting experts out there – speaking from professional or personal experience (or both). Before accepting their advice, ask yourself why you are giving them authority over your decision making. Experts (me included!) don’t know you or your family – what they can offer is generalised information which you can apply in a way that fits your individual circumstances. We love that you were inspired to follow your career path by your dad, could you tell us a little about his influenceon your career?I wasn't the only one feeling that way. My phone buzzed as messages flooded the school WhatsApp channel, with parents wondering how they were going to fit the demands of their day jobs around fronted adverbials and long division. We hold a lot of stories in us, don’t we? Stories about what it means to be a parent, what babies and children are like, stories about the relationship between parents and children. Sometimes these are positive stories from our own childhood that we wish to repeat. Sometimes they are based on our painful experiences, those stories we wish to forget about or rewrite completely. Sometimes these stories are buried deep within us, sometimes they exist closer to the surface. Parenting for Humans is a book first and foremost for parents. It explores what we bring to the parenting journey - our hopes, values, views, circumstances, relationships, upbringing - and how we can gain confidence in ourselves not just as parents, but as whole human beings.