Don’t beat yourself up for not being able to go see that film you were planning on watching or another activity that you can’t get past the wall to do. Personally, I find it increasingly frustrating when I want to do something (like sitting and writing this article) but just CAN’T. Regarding PDA children and teenagers: I know the bedtime battles that you have with them as they see an enforced bedtime as a HUGE demand. There’s a diagnosis that describes these characteristics: pathological demand avoidance, or PDA (although many autistic people and professionals working with them prefer the term pervasive drive for autonomy — but more on that later.) When you are feeling very anxious or overwhelmed, remove all demands, or at least reduce them as much as you can.

a b Bennun, David (5 September 2008). "Censorship? How I mourn for Monkey Dust". The Guardian . Retrieved 18 September 2012. PDA is short for Pathological Demand Avoidance and is considered (in Britain, at least) part of the Autism spectrum. If it's still not clear, one with PDA finds it difficult or impossible to submit to what is experienced as a demand (even if it might be meant as a request or a suggestion). As you might guess, this is the kind of diagnosis that explains to a parent why their child refuses to obey, replacing the label of stubborn, recalcitrant, or naughty, and in the process removes the blame the child would be given and indicates that punishment is the wrong solution. This image I made is labelled for PDA families but is honestly true of ALL children. Children need caregivers to help guide and provide supports where needed.

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But please take comfort that the issue isn’t that your child can behave like an immature and hurtful adult, but instead how an adult can indiscriminately behave so much like a child. PDA kids are neurologically wired to dodge demands — and they’re adept at doing so. Their responses to requests range from simple refusal, to elaborate storytelling, to physically fleeing the scene. But their refusal to do what is expected of them isn’t stubbornness or a desire to manipulate. It’s extreme anxiety triggered by perceived loss of autonomy. I last saw Harry a couple of weeks ago, and it was clear that his fight against cancer was proving tough. He showed no self-pity, though. He wasn't sentimental by nature, and would not encourage showy demonstrations of grief from colleagues. But he would like to know that they valued his friendship, and will miss him. They did, and they will. He was a singular, and memorable, individual. Autism and anxiety go hand in hand. Individuals with autism are living in an anxiety inducing world they are constantly trying to make sense of and fit into. If they like being in the garden; cordon off a section of the garden that they can do what they like with (as long as it’s not very dangerous to themselves or others). DO NOT interfere with their section unless they have specifically asked you for help. Let them be in charge of what film is watched on movie night or what takeaway you are going to have for dinner.

HT: “Only if the school makes a hell of a lot of adjustments. It’s the square peg and round hole analogy. It’s not the type of school or the methods they use; it’s applying the attitude and developing understanding which is most important.” He often chooses some infrequently used words when more common ones would do; e.g. lachrymose, adamantine, vicissitude; which read autodidact to me, or maybe Asperger. I have to wonder how someone less intelligent with the same underlying "kind of mind" would have made it through the kind of situations that Harry has had to live through. I also wonder if he has "aged out" of those meltdowns he documents. Aren't the late teens the age when males are statistically the most violent? Having a range of things that you can be in control of will help to keep your anxiety down, and you can go to these things and tinker when you feel a little anxious. Many families tell me their child’s teacher says their child can’t possibly be anxious because they’re always laughing and trying to make the other children laugh,” Thompson says, who is an educational consultant with families. “But this is a huge myth. In fact, these kids are usually more anxious than others, not less.”

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Treneman, Ann (24 November 1997). "Not as sweet as she looks". The Independent. Archived from the original on 9 May 2022 . Retrieved 18 September 2012.