Graeme, the old bartender says in a voice that carries across the room, 'Come on in and let me pour one for you! What'll it be, gentlemen?' Posh bloke says, That may be, but I can remember him playing out wearing neither trousers nor shoes.

A Yorkshireman’s dog dies and as it was a favourite pet he decides to have a gold statue made by a jeweller to remember the dog by. My Grandpa said, “Your generation relies too much on technology!” I replied, “No, your generation relies too much on technology!” Then I unplugged his life support. T’ year he wer t’ Mayor o’ Keighworth he upped t’ number o’ speeches he hed to give. He wer in his element! Once on his feet he’d spaht for hours: at schooil speech days, at civic dinners, at Rahnd Table do’s an’ the like. He allus started, “Ladies and gentlemen, it gives me great pleasure to be ‘ere today…” then he’d ram’mle on an’ on. Bi’ t’ time he’d done hawf o’t’audience wer asleep an t’other hawf thinkin’ o’ ther beds. It wer Ira ‘at shut him up.

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The Brother looks down in absolute horror "BL**DY HELL!!!!!! he screams........ Where's my Rolex ????..." Near as makes n' matter." – Well, it's not quite a Yorkshire pudding of my mother's standard, but let's be real: All Yorkshire puddings are a thing of joy, so let's not quibble. I can't do that!!!" exclaimed the Genie. "Don't you know that's impossible? No Genie could do that. It's too far, the water is too deep, it's just totally beyond anybody's power. You will have to make another wish." One day, he got the following telegram: 'Regret father died this morning STOP Early hours. Funeral Wednesday STOP

after the presenter had exchanged the usual greetings and enquired his name and occupation the brother declared his "chosen specialist subject" to be "the history of Scottish Freemasonry since the foundation of Grand Lodge" Ok, ok, I was at a friend ́s house and we were watching a Christian film…” The detector beeps. “Fine! It was a p*rn!” An ambitious yuppie finally decided to take a vacation. He booked himself on a Caribbean cruise and proceeded to have the time of his life--at least for a while. A hurricane came unexpectedly. The ship went down and was lost instantly. The man found himself swept up on the shore of an island with no other people, no supplies, nothing. Only bananas and coconuts.

Used to four-star hotels, this guy had no idea what to do. So for the next four months he ate bananas, drank coconut juice, longed for his old life and fixed his gaze on the sea, hoping to spot a rescue ship. The Worshipful Master directed that the Lodge Deacons wear less aftershave in future, as the Candidate who had just been initiated that evening, when asked if he had felt comfortable during the ceremony,replied,"I was a bit worried for the first five or ten minutes, but the woman behind me was very helpful in keeping me from staggering!"

He freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot... Austin’s interview with Clough and former United manager Don Revie was an infamous encounter captured in The Damned United, the film based on David Peace’s novel. How did Austin feel about the scene, with actor Mark Bazeley playing him as a young journalist? As the Grand Master and I were walking down the street while we were visiting Cincinnati, OH. We happen to pass a pet shop. It has a sign in the window that caught our eye. It said, “See our Masonic Birds.” Eeh I'll go t'foot of stairs!" – It's snowing in May? My goodness, I'm really quite surprised by this turn of events. The policeman replies, "Didn't you realise that your right arm was torn off when the lorry hit you?"

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White comedians say to me, “Only you can make that joke”. That’s right. But even so, people are cautious. They don’t want to be seen to be laughing at someone based on their colour or religion. It’s the same in the green rooms at comedy gigs. As comedians, we often banter with each other, make jokes and laugh at one another – but I have never heard anyone making a joke at another comedian’s expense based on their race or religion, and I am certain that if they did, they would be called out on it. Later in the day, while he’s at the dinner, the guy sits at the table but doesn’t say a word. The girlfriend’s mother ask him to say grace. He prays, prays, and prays. After he’s finally done, his girlfriend tells him “I didn’t know you were so religious”. Culture Trips are deeply immersive 5 to 16 days itineraries, that combine authentic local experiences, exciting activities and 4-5* accommodation to look forward to at the end of each day. Our Rail Trips are our most planet-friendly itineraries that invite you to take the scenic route, relax whilst getting under the skin of a destination. Our Private Trips are fully tailored itineraries, curated by our Travel Experts specifically for you, your friends or your family.