And as with anything else, because this is truly the way God intended things to be, it is so easy to see how much better life would be with properly established boundaries. This self-help boundaries book uses cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), an evidence-based approach to understanding the connection between our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. The CBT exercises in this book will help you identify inaccurate thoughts and beliefs that are making it difficult for you to set boundaries and replace them with thoughts that are more accurate and helpful. Henry Cloud introduces the law of cause and effect as a natural law that gives you the fruits of what you sowed.

Many people focus so much on being loving and unselfish that they forget their own limits and limitations. That’s why the ability to set clear boundaries is essential to a healthy, balanced lifestyle. A boundary is a personal property line that marks those things for which we are responsible. Boundaries define who we are and who we are not. Drs. Cloud and Townsend offer biblically-based answers and show how to set healthy boundaries with your spouse, children, friends, parents, co-workers, and even yourself! Henry Cloud’s workbook on boundaries is based on the one above. However, this has a more practical approach. 3. Where to draw the line: how to set healthy boundaries every day, by Anne Katherine I was raised in the church, not by choice. ;-) So, my biggest takeaways from reading this book are the verses of scripture I can respond with the next time someone attempts to use scripture to guilt me into allowing them to cross healthy boundaries. The holidays with the family are going to be so much more fun now! Incredible book. It has helped me so much to consider how to navigate situations at work, at home and in social situations. I highly recommend it, especially if you don't especially love confrontations, like myself.People who fail to set boundaries are likely to grow to loathe the people who overstate their unstated boundaries.

A wise friend talked to me about this book. It was a wonderful conversation, and as she explained the ideas in the book, we explored them together, understanding so many situations with a (for me) fresh set of insights. For that, I thank the authors mightily. About the Author: Henry Cloud is an American Christian author. He holds a BS in psychology from Southern Methodist University and a Ph.D. in clinical psychology from Biola University. Boundaries Derive From God’s Nature God is a distinct being, separate from his own creations as well and he is responsible for himself. He tells us what he likes and dislikes, who he is, and who is not. The authors have, in my opinion, an incorrect view of both love and marriage. They assert that love is primarily a feeling, rather than an action (indeed, that action without feeling is worthless in the case of love); this may correspond with their experience, but it implies that a marriage without "that loving feeling" should end. Marriages, while I'm on the subject, are also not relationships of unconditional love, according to the authors. (I do not mean only in practice, for definitely there are countless marriages that are not based on unconditional love, but I mean the authors suggest that marriages should not be so.) What can I do when someone wants more of my time, love, energy, or money than I’m comfortable giving?

I am not a Christian, although I am very familiar with the New Testament from my 'born again' teenage years. I had hoped that the authors would keep the approach open to those of us who don't see the Bible as a credible reason to act in a certain way. This, for me, was NOT the case. The endless quotations and (worse) verse references buried the ideas in a morass of distractions. I had the sensation of searching through fog. One of the first signs that you’re beginning to develop boundaries is a sense of resentment, frustration, or anger at the subtle and not-so-subtle violations in your life. Just as radar signals the approach of a foreign missile, your anger can alert you to boundary violations in your life.” Nope. Not my responsibility to get a grown adult from point A to point B because she wants to attend the event. If she really wanted to attend the event, she would find her way there via her car, or carpool w someone else, or via one of the following or a combination of the following: bus, train, water taxi, car taxi, Uber, Lyft, horse drawn carriage, bike, Segway, scooter, rollerblades... Not in my normal genre so I can't give this 5 Stars...SCREW THAT!!!! 5 Stars, 5 Stars, 5 Stars! 100 Stars if I could give 100 stars! *Sigh* Oh well, 5 Stars it is. This book is just a bunch of Christian psycho-babble about how to 'say no'. the author drones on and on with example situations about a working mom driving the kids to soccer practice, being asked to volunteer at church, all the while juggling her career with the needs of her jerk of a husband and bratty / whining kids. Really, it's not much more than a book created to give people excuses for making bad choices in the first place.

For me, the class has been eye-opening and life-changing. At this point I'm a convert and would suggest that if you have the opportunity to take a class on boundaries, do so - and then start setting them. I'm hardly an expert and could probably benefit from taking the class again in a few months, but at this point I can say with conviction that any abuse, even "just" emotional, is not okay with me and that I am not responsible for the choices and actions of others. I am responsible for my actions and my choices. Boundaries are freeing. Now updated and expanded for the digital age, this book continues to help millions of people around the world answer these tough questions:We need to take responsibility for our choices. This leads to the fruit of "self control" (Gal. 5:23). A common boundary problem is disowning our choices and trying to lay he responsibility for them on someone else.... We need to realize that we are in control of our choices.... On the other hand, if you come from a family of narcissists, not only you weren’t taught boundaries but you were even encouraged to accept abuse from others and believe that it is OK. What I came to see was in any relationship where I feel tension, it is usually due to boundary confusion. I was surprised just now to discover I had not written a review of this book, which has made such a huge difference in my life. I truly want to thank these authors for breaking this down for anyone and everyone who might take the time to read this book. And I want to thank my friend, Kay, for introducing me to this book and opening up a whole new world to me. I will say that I will be investing in the other books they have written on boundaries (Boundaries in Marriage, Boundaries with Kids, Boundaries with Teens, etc.).

The first thing you need to learn is that the person who is angry at you for setting boundaries is the one with the problem...Maintaining your boundaries is good for other people; it will help them learn what their families of origin did not teach them: to respect other people. There is always safety in the truth, whether it be knowing God’s truth or knowing the truth about yourself. I couldn’t keep secrets from her, it was devastating for her to find out that I moved to a new apartment during my studies or that I didn’t eat dairy anymore. This little habit of letting people break into my personal space without even feeling angry about it lead to meeting all kinds of dubious people. This is a book that every human being alive or dead should be required to read. Christian or Non-Christian alike. Yes, Cloud and Townsend relate the idea of Boundaries to God. However, this idea of boundaries and how we apply them to ourselves and other people is universal. And it blew my mind. I never thought about this idea of boundaries and I have already been working since reading this book on establishing strong, clear, biblical boundaries with myself and others.

Success!

Have you ever felt taken advantage of? Have you ever had someone just cut you off and you had no idea why? Have you ever had someone you could not get rid of? Do you feel tremendous pressure from someone which you cannot satisfy? If so, you probably have had or do have boundary issues. In part one of this workbook, you’ll learn what boundaries are, why we need them, and why they’re hard to set. Part two focuses on how to create and communicate boundaries, and how to handle boundary violations. In part three, you’ll learn boundary skills with others, including at work; with your partner, children, extended family, and friends; and with difficult people. And in part four, you’ll practice boundary skills with yourself, including respecting other people’s boundaries and creating healthy limits and habits for yourself. Through my work as a psychotherapist, it became clear that so many of my clients’ struggles were related to their difficulty setting boundaries—and there was a need for an evidence-based guide to teach these skills. And, so, I wrote this workbook to share the practical skills and strategies for setting boundaries that I’ve successfully used with my clients. You will begin to see that taking responsibility for yourself is healthy, and you will begin to understand that taking responsibility for other adults is destructive.