Dr. Tamara Rosier: Well, thank you. You're very kind, you know what gymnastics we do in our head, that we never do anything good enough. And so I I'm confessing my feelings about the book. Because I have ADHD and I have these thought patterns I constantly have to fight and I do have to fight it. And I am so appreciative of people like you who read and go, yeah, this all made sense to me. And I'm so appreciative. So I'm grateful. But again, you know, the weird things that happen in our heads.

Dr. Tamara Rosier: Yes, but now that I'm learning, I am learning slowly but surely. And with very slow learner, it seems I'm learning to take those breaks during the week. I make certain rules for myself, like stopping work by 7:00 PM and going into kind of a, in the book blue quadrant like lower activities. Kind of fun, but not really stimulating activities. I try to do those more and more during the week now. As someone with ADHD, I’ve tried to hide my natural ways of thinking and behaving to fit into a non-ADHD world. I do my best to look “normal,” which usually means pretending to be a grown-up while hog-tying my impulsive thoughts and actions. William Curb: But it also sounds like you're then like, being like, Hey, it's time for the weekend. It's time to do the stuff I need to to help recover. Dr. Tamara Rosier: Yeah. You know, it's funny because I'm, I'm always surprised of when I get to Friday night. Like, I don't know why I'm so tired, but I'm exhausted. My husband just looks at me like, are you serious? You can't figure this out. Like you've been going, going, going all week and now your body's like, "Hey, we're done", but each Friday night I'm somewhat surprised at how tired I am. And I think it's kind of funny that I don't really ever figure this out. I mean, I know it enough to write about it. And yet each Friday night, I wonder why I'm so tired.

About

Tamara is your new best friend. She is smart and funny and has a lot of good ideas to help you better understand your ADHD. With her help, you'll create a more fulfilling life by getting more things done and feeling good about yourself while you do it. Trust me, you will love this book." The main thing that separated this book from others on ADHD was that the author focused on the ways we use negative emotions (like anxiety, anger, and self-loathing) to motivate ourselves to remember things and complete tasks. Because the ADHD brain has poor short-term memory, people with ADHD tend to use emotional memory to anchor tasks and motivations. This allows us to be successful, but it leads to lifelong unhealthy coping skills that result in high anxiety, burnout, and overwhelm. Before reading this book, I’d never heard anyone make this connection but it really resonated with me - it helps me understand why life feels so much more exhausting for me than for someone without ADHD. And I think it's interesting because I get what she's talking about. I've had COVID and I know the, I call it narcoleptic tiredness. I could just drop and I it's, it's amazing how fatigued. It's not just fatigue of, oh, I'm just not productive. It's a bone tired fatigue.

There's nothing wrong with having a relationship with faith, but dropping small kernels of imperative faith in an otherwise logic-based book just feels awkward. Dr. Tamara Rosier: or, you know, I always say, so here's your apple and that's a kangaroo - they're not even comparable. It's not even a thing. And so sometimes when we look at other people going, well, how come they can just show up at work every day on time? And I have to yell at myself. I have to do all these things to motivate myself. You know, why can't I just do it? Well, we have to figure out ways for you to do it. Not just wish that it just happened to us.Dr. Tamara Rosier: I listened to that episode because I, I work with my clients a lot on caffeine intake and what's weird is I don't tolerate coffee very well. But there's more components to coffee than just the caffeine. And so I could easily think that I can't tolerate a stimulant. Well, a stimulant really works for me and that's how I manage my ADHD symptoms. So caffeine is a type of stimulant, but people get confused, like it's the only kind. Dr. Tamara Rosier: Yeah. Um, so I don't know what you're talking about, but okay. So I totally know what you're talking about. William Curb: Yeah. Understanding that I self medicated with caffeine was something that popped into my head a while ago, but then actually like reading about it. There's also just not any research on it. There's five, seven studies maybe. And each of the studies had like a saying, like, this is something that we should look into further because there's not enough. And I'm like, yeah.

Dr. Tamara Rosier: Yeah, I, okay. I love that you asked that question because I really felt convicted. I mean, I could have titled the book, what I wish people knew about ADHD because I was working with so many people who are sad and they, they really believed their brain was broken. And after some coaching, they're like, oh, I'm not that broken. Dr. Tamara Rosier: Yeah. So what happens is I have to teach my clients. We don't have a governor. We're not going to get a governor. What I can teach my clients to be miserly. And I'm talking primarily emotional energy because we can be miserly with the emotional energy. I think the rest will fall into line.

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William Curb: just to just, I just force myself to do this. We can just go and do it. We'll be done. And then we can, then we can go to the dandelions and I don't like that. And so that's what I'm talking about, about wasting energy. So let's say you're married and your spouse does something like, wow. You know, he didn't really have to talk to me like that instead of holding that grudge immediately, let it go, go, oh, maybe he's having a bad day because I don't want to waste the energy to figure out what the hell that meant if it's just a passing. Now if it's, if it's a theme or a pattern, that's a different thing. I'm just talking about those little things that throughout the day, that just irk us. And sometimes it's interesting to be irked and we like to take, take care of that irk and kind of help it grow up to resentment or bitterness or something or anger even. Dr. Tamara Rosier: Well, yeah. And so I'm glad you had an Elsa moment and you're letting it go. I mean, I can, you know, I'm picturing you driving down the road, belting, "Let it go. Let it go." But you know, there's you're right. Our ego gets involved because when we're younger, what happens is we learned to care what other people think as a survival technique. And so I'm familiar with what you're talking about. I'd like to add though. So the TikTokers, the ADHD TikTokers are saying, "Hey dude, the DSM is missing all of these things" and it's a democratic solution. To the authorities kind of ignoring ADHD. And the DSM is way behind in talking about ADHD. Russ Barkley talks about that quite a bit. Right? William Curb: Yeah. I definitely see everyone with ADHD is just sat with that feeling of why can't I do it? What is wrong with me? And it is that other side of like people being like, what do they know about ADHD, but also I'm surprised what I still learn about ADHD.