One of the biggest issues I see is that people let down their guard with a toxic ex and then seem surprised when their ex is unreasonable, cruel, or annoying. Keep in mind that there is a possibility that your ex is talking about artificial things “concerning your children” just so they get to stay in touch with the other co-parent. As a result, your children may become confused, conflicted, angry, anxious, or depressed—and you may feel powerless.

If emotions are still running high, taking space and focusing on your relationship with your children is highly recommended. Instead, there are rules and strict boundaries for everything, with as little direct communication as possible. The sooner you understand all of the behaviors and their effect, the sooner you can be a better version of yourself, in any role involved. If your communication usually happens once per day, then both you and your co-parent should try and sum up all that there is to say in one clear and concise message to reduce any conflict opportunity.

His practice includes an eclectic and humanistic approach to problems faced by individuals and families.

Expect your ex to try to control you by “forgetting” to bring your son’s soccer jersey or your daughter’s science textbook when the kids transfer to your house. The book features tools, strategies, written exercises, and dialogues designed to help reduce the ex's negative influence and 'delay, if not prevent' a child from choosing one parent over another. If your ex requests an adjustment to their designated custody days, you do not have to agree unless explicitly instructed to do so by a court. Co-parenting requires nothing less than an Oscar-worthy performance — it’s a fake-it-till-you-make-it situation. As much as you would like to cut ties with your ex and parent on your own without them, it is generally not healthy to cut off communication with your ex (so long as they are a healthy and safe person to be around) and your children.Many people have achieved positive outcomes by seeking online therapy for a variety of reasons, including getting over a break-up, improving their parenting skills, and navigating co-parenting. Things may not get to this point with your toxic ex, but if they do, the ability to legally defend yourself and ensure the safety of your children is paramount. The book was incredibly useful to provide a toolbox to not only identify what your child is experiencing, but also -and most importantly - how to respond in a way that help your child navigate the situation.

It’s all just so hard — even when everything is okay and you’re going through the daily grind together. It’s not “nice” to give in to things or “mean” to hold your boundaries (despite what your toxic ex says). As soon as I Started the book, I was able to apply some of the strategies and this made a world of a difference.

Remaining focused on being the best parent for your children and ensuring that they’re in a good place is a much better use of your time. Working with a therapist allows you to talk about your situation and gain professional, unique feedback, which strictly pertains to what you’re going through as a co-parent. I will refer to it often over the next 6 years until my kids are all legal adults and I can be done with dealing with my nasty, toxic ex.