I was able to have one visit with my LO, thank god, some closure there at least, but it was no surprise that things went south in the month after. He wanted me to be his life partner and I wanted SO badly to say yes, but there were a bazillion reasons that would have been the stupidest decision of my life. He cut me off a week later–a decision I supported–and I never expected to hear from him again. A big issue for me is crippling shyness around LO – I guess this is linked to No 1. but worth a mention? Especially pertinent to singles who could actually have a relationship with LO.

I admit that I had doubts sometimes on whether I’m limerent or not, so having some quiz like this as a reference guide is very useful. I remember reading a similar article on thought catalog that was my own big “aha!” moment in regards to limerence. You’ve talked about three stages of limerence. I experience shades of limerence.Once I cross certain lines, I enter a new depth of limerence.

Limerence can be neatly described as an altered mental state of intense infatuation. An obvious question raised by this definition is: why does it happen? What causes it? First time we met: there was something, I guess the glimmer, and it was mutual. Except I don’t know if it’s counts as glimmer on his side or was it purely a physical attraction to a good looking woman.

What’s this got to do with hurting others? I hear no one ask. Well, this certain girl, whether for a joke or seriousness, had been saying she ‘loves’ me since Year 7. It’s probably a joke but she could be limerent for me. It might be okay if she hadn’t supported the thesis that she thinks I like her; she keeps saying she does. I would not be creeped out by that, I would find it sweet, flattering and validating. I would instinctively feel warmth towards a man that cares for and looks out for me. But I am certainly no narcissist, just a regular person. Such people – let’s call them Sensors from now on – would be potent limerent objects. They would sense the glimmer and respond in a way that amplifies it, because they want more. They would be expert at recognising the cues of infatuation and cultivating them, because being around an infatuated person makes them feel amazing. This could be as simple as being friendlier and more open because they can tell you like them, or more manipulative and selfish and deliberately seeking booster doses of admiration to regulate their own mood. My experience with LO #2 didn’t sour me on relationships, it made me want to find another one. That relationship didn’t work but maybe the next one would. I was happy once and I thought I could be again. And, it did. I crossed paths with LO #2 for 5 years. At the end, I didn’t know what a good relationship was but I had real good idea of what a good relationship wasn’t. I knew my wife was different from LO #2 by the way she didn’t make me feel. I liked it.Or the first moment of deceit level where the womans alarm finally goes off and she awakens to what a screwed up situation she has allowed and he wordsmiths like a psychologist that she wasn’t doing anything wrong in seeking comfort from the inattention and emotional abuse she endures at home. (He is of course spinning the husband as the devil as it suits his purpose) Identifying the person within your early childhood development who is the root cause of your limerence. This will allow you to see how you’re projecting the dynamics of that situation onto your limerent object. And it will also enable you to begin the process of transcending your trauma by working with it instead of suppressing it. Is It Possible To Be Friends With Your Limerent Object?