I didn’t have sex at all, not a scrap til I was 67. And that was cos I’d no small change for the window cleaner. My Mum told me the best time to ask my Dad for anything was during sex. Not the best advice I’d ever been given. I burst in through the bedroom door saying, ‘Can I have a new bike?’ He was very upset. His secretary was surprisingly nice about it. I got the bike.” – Jimmy Carr (Photo: BBC) What’s worse than waking up at a party and finding a penis drawn on your face? Finding out it was traced.

One day I asked my friend: “How is your girlfriend?” He replied: “She is very good.” I asked: “Did you already get a b**wjob from her?” He replied: “What kind of question is that?” I replied: “I’m just a curious kind of person. I can’t stop asking myself: ‘if Bobby breaks up with his girlfriend, should I ask her for a b**wjob?’ ”What’s the difference between a Greyhound terminal and a lobster with boobs? One is a crusty bus station, and the other is a busty crustacean. Humor is not only crucial in someone’s life, but it’s immensely important in a relationship. Here’s why couples can benefit from resorting to humor:

Are you trying to get your spouse’s attention? Or maybe they’ve been having a rough time, and you just want to make them laugh? If your partner shares your sense of humor, chances are that they will love hearing some hilariously flirty jokes from you. I really deeply wish that you are here with me in my room on my bed & lights is off & we get under the cover together to show you my glow in the dark watch. If a threesome is with three people and a twosome with two, do you now understand why people call you ‘handsome’.Q: What did the toaster say to the slice of bread? A: I want you inside me! Girl: “Hey, what’s up?” Boy: “If I tell you, will you sit on it?” What’s the difference between a golf ball and a G-spot? A husband will make efforts to look for a golf ball.

There was a wife who texted her husband a romantic message... She wrote: “I love you. If you wake up, send me your dreams. If you laugh, send me your smile. If you eat, send me a bite. If you drink, send me a sip. If you cry, send me your tears.” Then her husband texted: “I’m on the toilet, advice please.” We all love the times we laughed so hard. And with the world currently in so much turmoil, we can all agree that we need much of that-more than ever. So for once, let’s just get together and enjoy some of the best dirty jokes served chill with a glass of beer (or milk). The latter is on your bill-haha. The Best Dirty Jokes You Can Tell To Create Good Memories with Family and Friends Why do b**bs and toys have so much in common? Both were originally intended for kids, but daddies end up playing with them instead.A man is working out at the gym when he sees a pretty woman waving at him. “Hi, do I know you?” he asks.