Fern breaks down several scenarios that often occur when people try to implement this idea, and includes some suggestions for how to make it more fair and ethical to all parties involved - while she cautions against the idea in general. I learned abit here, including how much of what I already tended to do was part of actively building secure attachment with another person.

In many ways it’s an advice and self-help type of book, but given from the experience of a practicing polyamorous therapist.

She is mostly operating in the theoretical here and the book is not heavy on real-life examples, but what she shares is so practical that it doesn't really need them.

This is required reading for people in open relationships and should be used as a textbook for every therapist who works with people in polyamorous relationships. Those resources focus more on calming the nervous system when triggered than Polysecure does, and together I think they make an invaluable toolkit for traumatized would-be polyamorists.

I have practiced consensual/ethical non-monogamy for seven years and I did find the glossary to be good for beginners. and* that you can fall into different styles within/in response to different relationships/how others behave within the relationship. If you read through the book and realize that there is something bigger going on than just “garden variety” relationship difficulties please contact us.

As someone who lives with complex trauma (CPTSD) this book is a must read so many sensible ways of negotiating insecure attachments with various people to lead to secure attachment as adults. It remains strong all the way through, offering respectful and insightful takes on presence, communication, relationship safety -- what we all work on every day -- and providing useful ideas on ways to look at challenges. The psychology of kink: A survey study into the relationships of trauma and attachment style with BDSM interests.When parents pose an actual physical threat, love and abuse get tangled up in the nervous systems of those who survive. Hierarchical vs nonhierarchical practices (and the ethics of those) are discussed, the differences between polyamory and swinging, along with many other ways of being nonmonogamous. And the clincher: I finished the book, and am writing this, one day after performing my every-year-or-two psychedelic tune-up, this time a solo ritual in the mountains with the intention (chosen months before even starting this book) of exploring my self-love. alot of people in spaces I was moving thru seemed to be reading and raving about it, and I got abit wary (often my way when anything seems to have alot of hype).