My favorite implements are my floggers and my singletail whips. I have the ability to play very light and sensual or heavy and sadistic if the person I am playing with wishes. Most people do not understand impact play, they think it’s about the pain, but that’s not always the case. Lambskin floggers are soft and sensual, and a person getting flogged experiences a sensation similar to a massage. Among others: Arrive clean. CLEAN. Immaculately clean. Clean like you are going to the doctor’s office and the doctor is going to make you bend in every revealing possible angle. A professional dominatrix is skilled at applying the right kind of pain that can make her masochistic, submissive client cry out in pleasure. There’s a common misconception that BDSM is always about pain, but it’s really about the sensations. You might be surprised to learn that a profession technically classified as “sex work” does not involve any actual sex. Sure, you can go online and find someone who will gladly take your money, slap you around a bit and then have sex with you—but that’s not a service provided by a dominatrix. A truly professional and experienced dominatrix is more like a guide through the less accessible sexual pleasure that some men—and women—find in the acts of submission or masochism, both in and out of a dungeon. This is why most sessions with a pro-domme (professional dominatrix) are carefully thought out and planned beforehand by the mistress to make sure they are uniquely tailored to, and enjoyed by, each particular sub. I get a mental turn-on from it. The mental high of dominating someone and making them submit to me is unlike anything else, and I get so much gratification out of feeling them melt like putty in my hands when I push them past what they thought they were capable of.

I first became interested in BDSM during my master's program in psychology when I chose to write a paper on sadomasochism. I wrote more papers on SM during my master's and PhD programs, then ultimately wrote my doctoral dissertation on erotically submissive men. During this time, I took workshops and classes on different BDSM topics, preparing myself to work as a professional dominatrix.I started pro-domming while I was still a grad student here in LA. Much of my work in the field of art had to do with power dynamics, objectification, voyeurism and exhibitionism, so although I was always been interested in BDSM as a type of eroticized power exchange, I had a hard time giving myself permission to explore it in my personal life. The strangest ones are the ones who ask for the most unexpected things. What's weird to me is not necessarily weird to the vanilla bystander, but my strangest session by far ended up with me writing two comparative essays for the sub. She added, “Some men want to be roughed up and manhandled, others cuddled and smothered. Some just want to give me their money.” Relax and surrender to my warm spirit as we explore all of the things you have always wanted to try, I do have a quieter side but I also have a very SADISTIC side I like to indulge in with the right person, is that you?

My specialty is in tease and desperation play. There are many ways to put someone in “sub space”—a state of mind in which your inhibitions and ego go completely out the window and you are overcome by an utterly submissive feeling. One way to reach this state is via sexual desperation. By building up arousal over time without sexual gratification, eventually you reach a point where your sexual desires become too overwhelming to handle—it is a place where you are willing to do anything for gratification, and at that moment, my power over you is absolute. Over the years, my slaves would complain that they couldn’t figure out how to introduce their girlfriends or wives to female dominance. I co-wrote a book titled How to be a Dominant Diva which focuses on giving couples the inspiration and tools to explore eroticism, role-play and power exchange in a way that is exciting but never intimidating! The dungeon is not a place to be angry. Some women tell me that they’d love to punish men for a living. But if you have a client who’s 83 with Parkinson’s you don’t just beat the shit out of him! I’m not against water sports. Urine’s sterile. It’s just that if you’re wearing a tight corset it’s hard to hold on if you have a full bladder. The session just becomes about not peeing too early. It literally interrupts the flow. I’m a Time Out writer and a very naughty boy. Is that how these things usually start? Because I’ve never written to a dominatrix before. I do, however, want to find out more. Perhaps you could fill me in (not a euphemism). For starters, what’s with the letters?Intuition, imagination and understanding the psychology of the dynamic. Use of the tools, equipment and bondage is the easy stuff and I’m great at all of that. I love nice equipment so my dungeon is fully equipped with the best of everything for most BDSM play. I'm going to keep that between me and him. And besides, in many ways, a private jet is more of a burden than a gift. Writing a letter is a condition of entry to Mistress Xena’s dungeon. Be honest with her and she’ll reward you... or, indeed, punish you. When I got in touch I wasn’t quite ready to have a toilet brush shoved up my bum, but I was curious about this once-secret part of the city’s sexlife. One of my most loyal and thoughtful submissives just bought me a new car. He offered me any car I wanted and I chose one that fits my personal life instead of one that you would imagine a famous dominatrix driving. It’s a minivan. It breaks all stereotypes and is perfect. Her line of work may be racy — but nothing sexual takes place between her and her clients, Barbosa said.

Thanks for your message. It does indeed seem that your errant ways merit correction. But, we can get to that. I would have to say that I don’t have much patience for newbies who do not understand the protocol of how to communicate respectfully and professionally with a dominatrix. As a woman who demands respect and full attention I expect the same from you when you get the chance to visit with me. There is no typical client. I see couples, women, CEOs, Uber drivers, married guys, virgins. There’s the client who saves up for six months to have a session that means the world to him and the client who just needs a thrill on his lunch break. It runs the gamut. Absolutely. Ideally, I would be friends with all my clients. I am there to open them up to the most sensitive and vulnerable part of themselves—there's a lot of trust and emotional closeness that is built. Some people want more than I can give—whether it's time, attention or specific acts—and in these instances I need to strongly enforce my boundaries, which makes it more difficult to have a friendship.I’ve always identified as a dominant woman, long before I was sexually aware, it was just who I was. I believe this was partially due to being raised in a very matriarchal family. When I played house with my classmates I would always make the boy play as the dog instead of the father. As for my clients... you have to remember, most men are under pressure to perform, sexually. I offer a different environment, in which men don’t have to be in control. It chills them out.