A man walks into an enchanted forest and tries to cut down a tree. “Don’t cut me down,” the tree exclaims, “I’m a talking tree!” The man says, “You may be a talking tree, but you will dialogue.”

One day in math class little Johnny's teacher asked him to look out the window, where three birds were sitting on a fence. She then asks "Johnny, if I shoot one of those birds how many are left?" Johnny replies "None, they would all have flown away when they heard the gun shot." The teacher smiles and says "The correct answer was two, but I like the way you think." What do a burned pizza, a frozen beer and a pregnant woman have in common? Someone didn't pull out in time A blonde and a brunette were having breakfast at a cafe. The blonde’s phone rang a few times. The brunette asked: “Why aren’t you answering your phone?” Alright, I’m sure I’m going to regret this later, but how much to take it to the next step?” he asks.The Russian finally says, “They have nothing to wear, no house to live in, only one apple to eat, and they keep being told that they’re in heaven. They’re obviously Russian.” * * * A couple of offensive (and very messed up) de@d baby jokes Iris, my sister-in-law, is a long distance lorry driver. She decided to get a dog for protection for the long days and nights that she was away from home. As she studied a likely candidate, the breeder told An old man finally woke from a long coma. The doctor said, “It’s remarkable, he seems to be feeling younger than ever”.

The hospital chef quit because none of the ungrateful patients enjoyed his delicious meals. People with Covid just have no taste. You're so ugly that as soon as your mother went into labor, all of the hospital staff went on strike. Today I decided to go visit my childhood home. I asked the residents if I could come inside because I was feeling nostalgic, but they refused and slammed the door on my face. My parents are the worst.You should really carry a plant around with you to replace the oxygen that you waste when you speak. Father: “Sweetheart, how could you do this to your ma’ and me! We brought you up properly; took you to mass and raised you to live by the ways of the Lord. Jesus, Mary and Holy Saint Joseph! What in heaven’s name will the family think of you now? Or of us, for that matter?!”