Just look at that couple down the road,” a wife told her husband. “He keeps holding her hand, kissing her, holding the door for her. Why can’t you do that?” “Are you insane?” he responded. “I barely know the woman!” What did the farmer say when he couldn’t find his tractor? “Here, tractor, tractor, tractor, here, tractor, tractor, tractor.” I was in a job interview the other day and they asked if I could perform under pressure. I said no, but I could perform Bohemian Rhapsody. Kirja on lastenromaaniksi melko pitkä yli 400 sivullaan ja itsekin meinasin ihan hengästyä sitä lukiessani, sillä 400 sivuun mahtuu t o d e l l a paljon käänteitä. Toisaalta pidän siitä, että lapsillekin tehdään pitkiä romaaneja, mutta niin monesti töissä on ollut tilanteessa, jossa kirja tyrmätään koska se on pitkä (esim. 200 sivua), että onhan tämä varmasti monelle haaste.

My best friend [Matt Lucas] is gay. He got married to his partner. My son was the ring bearer at the wedding and I was the best man. There were loads of kids there. It was fantastic. I thought, ”Fingers crossed these children won’t have any prejudice.“ If I had gone to a wedding between 2 men or 2 women aged 10, 11, 12; I wouldn’t have had any sense of prejudice. There would be no reason to feel like that. So I’m pleased with that. I hope people respond to it in a positive way. I mean it only in a positive way.”A ship carrying red paint and a ship carrying blue paint collide in the middle of the ocean. Both crews were marooned. My daughter just shrieked at me, “Daaaaaad, you haven’t listened to a word I’ve said, have you?” What an odd way to begin a conversation. We know there are people out there with prejudices, who sometimes disapprove of things, normally it’s the adults. We’ve got to move forward haven’t we? Towards love and acceptance. There might be people who resist it. But ultimately hopefully opinions will change. They’ll be brushed aside. As we go towards a much kinder way of living our lives.”

When my uncle Frank died, he wanted his remains to be buried in his favorite beer mug. His last wish was to be Frank in Stein. Did you hear Bruce Springsteen changed the lyrics to one of his songs? What’s he going to change next—his hair? His clothes? His face?

Mr Big

Someone complimented my parking today! They left a sweet note on my windshield that said “parking fine.” What’s your name, son?” The principal asked his student. The kid replied, “D-d-d-dav-dav-david, sir.” “Do you have a stutter?” the principal asked. The student answered, “No sir, my dad has a stutter but the guy who registered my name was a real jerk.” What did one monocle say to the other monocle? Let's get together and make a spectacle of ourselves. I was excited to hear Apple might start selling its own cars until I learned they wouldn’t support windows.