I don’t why I’m apologizing for not liking a book but I feel the need to because this book came highly recommended to me. But alas, it was a miss and I’m still sad about it. Basically, my biggest issue was the writing style. It was so fragmented, blunt, and it didn’t flow well enough to keep the book in a cohesive read. It was also extremely immature and young (which is totally fine if that’s what you love but not for me at the point I’m at in my life right now). I also did not enjoy the main character, Autumn, she just felt so narcissistic and I could not connect with her what so ever. Every time she would mention she was prettier than her best friend, I rolled my eyes. For me, I don’t like reading about a character who thinks in that way.

There was a love triangle. Why oh why do authors love implementing love triangles?! They're pointless and stupid and dumb. Honestly, I hadn't thought I was going to cry once I'd begun reading because I didn't like the characters, but look at me now. Acquired by Leah Hultenschmidt during her tenure at Sourcebooks Fire , If He Had Been with Me follows Autumn, a high schooler with a tight-knit group of friends who can’t avoid the feelings brought up whenever she crosses paths with her former best friend Finn. When tragedy strikes their community, Autumn considers the repercussions of their fallout, and the endless possibilities of what life could have been for them both had their friendship never ended. The beautiful cover and the description of this book lured me in and I couldn’t wait to read this story. I knew from the description, that a tragedy would occur. I was more than prepared to take the journey and meet Autumn and Finny. The part that I wasn’t prepared for was the abrupt anticlimactic ending.Autumn and Finn used to be inseparable. But then something changed. Or they changed. Now, they do their best to ignore each other.

Also, the writing took a little bit to get used to (if I ever even did at all) but I found some quotes absolutely beautiful. I’ve gotten over my initial anger over how the book ended. And I still stand by the fact that there are some parts of this book you’re likely to skim over. Upon her break up, Finny helps Autumn and they go out for lunches and movies. They spend time together with Sylvie touring Europe. They rekindle their friendship and feel at ease with each other. Autumn completes her incomplete book and lets Finny read it. It’s loosely based on their story. This is friendship, and it is love, but I already know what they have not learned yet; how dangerous friendship is, how damaging love can be."They were arguing. No one ever says what they were arguing about. It is, in other people's opinions, not important to the story. What they do not know is that there is another story. The story lurking underneath and in between the facts of the one they can see. What they do not know, the cause of the argument, is crucial to the story of me. I'm slightly indifferent towards all the characters, like I didn't grow any emotional attachments, except for the feeling of hatred towards certain people. The thing is, though the book faded, it didn’t vanish,” Nowlin told PW. “ If He Had Been with Me has always had a quiet cult following.” Though I feel bad for saying this, Autumn was really annoying at times. I hated her "not like other girls" and "quirky" (that word makes me cringe every time I see it 🙄) attitude, and also how she just kept acting so weird around Jamie. Not that I care about Jamie. I realize that she was going through stuff and I probably shouldn't hate her for all this, but I can't help it, if someone annoys me, I will say it (obviously not in person, I hate talking to people and am way too introverted to ever tell someone they're annoying)

I’m changing my rating. This gets 4.5 ⭐️ Primarily because I CANNOT STOP THINKING ABOUT THIS BOOK!!!! So overall, this was a pretty good book. There were some flaws and things that could have been better, but I liked it. I just wish Autumn had been a better main character (I feel like I'm being a little judgmental on her honestly, but oh well. If I said I liked her I'd be lying and no one likes a liar). But she buries these feelings deep inside her and stays with Jamie. Senior year in school and multiple happeningsI can see some of the roses still blooming in my mother´s garden. Brown on the edges and bright in other colors, their petals drooping downward, dying just as their lives have begun."

I'm Autumn and I’m smart and edgy and unusual. My mother married her high school sweetheart and now spends her time in a seemingly loveless marriage to a man who’s absent most of the time. So, guess what my plans are. You got it, I’m going to marry the boy I met the first day of high school, (after college of course) buy a house, raise kids and become a teacher, even though I’d rather be a writer and everyone assures me that I’m really talented. But, I just couldn’t expect my awesome, handsome, wonderful boyfriend (husband) to support me while I try to live my dream or to wait to get married until I have explored some of life’s other options. Of course you understand because he tells me I’m pretty all the time and what else do I need? If you're looking for an emotionally-charged teen read, this is your book-hands down. Fans of YA Contemporary Romance, New Adult, or Coming of Age will also enjoy this book." - Literary Meanderings It was raining, of course, and with his girlfriend, Sylvie Whitehouse, he glided through the rain in the red car his father had given him on his sixteenth birthday. In a few weeks, Finny would be turning nineteen. This is a story of friendship, family, love, and regret. Readers know from the beginning that Autumn and Finny’s story will end in tragedy, but that does not stop the reader from wanting to follow their journey. Recommended." — Library Media Connection Finn (I will not be caught DEAD calling him Finny 😒) is a gem and such a sweetheart, though I still didn't really care for him. He was adorable and all that but nothing really new. That sounds a little harsh honestly, but it's the truth. I loved how he treated Autumn, but he also shouldn't have cheated on his girlfriend with her. No matter if he was breaking up with her the next day, it still isn't right.

Tracking delivery

Autumn used to be friends with her first door neighbor, Finn but after middle school she becomes very popular and they grow apart. Now in high school, Autumn is a part of a gang who are different from other students. They dress differently, listen to cool music, change their hair colors, well you get the picture. Finn is a hangin with the popular crowd-cheerleaders and football players and they ignore each other all the time except it's hard since their mothers are really close friends and they even eat together. Character-wise? This book landed right on the mark. The characters felt unique, well thought out, and completely individualistic when it came to quirks, emotions, and driving forces. Autumn was well-written even if she was a bit annoying at times. Finn, of course, was my favorite. Because, of course, the nice, shy, cutesy guy is my favorite. I love a dude who blushes. Autumn has her boyfriend Jamie, and her close-knit group of friends. And Finn has become that boy at school, the one everyone wants to be around. I had so many conflicting opinions about the relationships in this one. I hate love triangles, but this one didn't really feel like one because it was so obvious that Autumn loved Finn and that something was gonna come out of that, but I also really liked her and Jamie. The novel is narrated by its protagonist, Autumn, a recent graduate from school who is talking about an accident and argument. Not hers, but her best friend Finny and his girlfriend Sylvie’s. A car which skids off the rainy road. Autumn is begging him to stay in her narration- where, we don’t know.