I tried, HARD, to fit into these moulds but always ended up sabotaging them or only being able to do them for a short time before the need to do something else took over.

The typical pattern is set with the adult being in charge, imposing conditions and rules on the child. There are many approaches which are suggested to help with PDA, and I've covered some of these in a previous blog post on strategies (there's one on PDA strategies for schools too). There are lots of free apps that have guided meditations on them with lots of personalities and styles to choose from to fit your style of unwinding and focusing.The scene of the rejection or criticism can play in their head in an ongoing loop, accompanied by a nearly obsessive level of analysis and self-punishment. Trying these methods and scratching your head as they fail to work can be one way of discovering whether you are living with a child with PDA.

When others react badly to the PDAers panic or defence reaction (that often they have no control over), this can cause damage to their self-esteem, mental health, and emotional wellbeing, as they are being punished for something they had no control over—punished for trying to protect themselves from a perceived threat. I don't know what it will look like going forward as I have to find a way to keep providing a safe space for him while being able to work as well, but it has given me hope. Harry shares his experiences and related insight with such eloquence and grace that I both learned and felt much while listening. Yes, these cards can be seen as a demand, but I have total control over whether I listen to her or not.This is not the same as Pathological Demand Avoidance, which is an autism spectrum condition characterised by extreme anxiety. But when we are disturbed or pulled out of that flow, it is a very jarring experience and can cause an explosive reaction for anyone who has disturbed us or tried to pull us out of it.

It alerts me to look at what I’m doing and assess it with clarity rather than slapdash over excitement. It could be because the demand is phrased wrong, or it comes at the wrong time, or is one of too many that day. There’s huge potential for autistic RATIONAL demand avoidance to be seen as a pathology people try to train out of them instead of understanding their sensory, social, and personal needs.When a PDAer is told that they cannot do something they want to do, a massive wave of anxiety and panic can set in. When you are feeling very anxious or overwhelmed, remove all demands, or at least reduce them as much as you can. As a clinician who has worked with complex young people and adults with Autism throughout my working life, I was delighted to be asked to review this book.