Why do I find them the most useful? Probably the disillusionment. You can't expect to reach a specific magic point--getting published, finishing terminal degrees, getting tenure/becoming famous, etc. --and then all writing problems will automatically disappear. Such a destination point does not exist. That kind of false hope will eventually lead to a bigger disappointment. Sometimes, because (especially on social media, cough cough) everyone is displaying the shiny parts, the disappointment is faced inward, towards myself. "Well, they can make it. Everyone can make it. Which means I AM the problem." And it's very comforting to hear that from experts outside my field. We see now that a crocodile has taken Small's place in the bathtub. Large extends a hand, holding out Small's toothbrush and toothpaste. Everyone should read this funny and deeply moving account of modern adoption: the highs, the lows, the risks and the rewards. Sally's writing is honest, insightful and beautiful to read.

For those who already know the author through her adoption blog the brilliance of this book will come as no surprise... Sally Donovan seems to write as naturally as the rest of us breathe, with an eloquence and honesty that makes "No Matter What" totally absorbing. She has a fantastic story to tell that not only speaks to those who have their own adoption experiencer but to any reader who has an interest in rich, articulate personal stories and wants an insight into the life of a normal adoptive family... Much of what Sally writes will be all too familiar to other adoptive parents by the humanity, intelligence and humor of the writing captures the reality of adoptive family life in a truly enthralling way. We learn from Sally that adopting children who have suffered neglect and abuse, requires not only resilient parents but expert advice, support and understanding from a range of professionals and from family and friends. Just cute little foxy touches that make the story that much better, more interesting, and more enjoyable. For a long while I have said to myself, "one more source, just one more idea". The piled philosophy books, no end in sight to the beginnings of a new research path, just the fruitless attempt to perpetually capture the concepts of nature into little "word jars", as if they were fireflies.In the most modest, refreshing and unassuming way, Sally gives a voice to everyone struggling with infertility or learning to parent traumatised children. This book is a triumph in so many ways. If you've ever wondered what it's like to adopt, this book holds the answer: it's hard, sometimes traumatic, and far from "normal family life". It's also special, joyful, and utterly transformative - for parents as much as children. Yes our families are different; this book explains in both a moving and matter-of-fact way why we are proud to be so. One time I saw an advert whose image has remained indelibly etched on my memory. The photo had a squirrel about to crush a nut with a pair of pliers. It had one more thing a short caption that read: ‘Unfair advantage.’ That is exactly what I would have said about Lisa Nichols if her book came out the way her speeches do. But nonetheless, she put together an awesome book with ideas and counsel that oozes, not only wisdom, but also great business ideas and models for the many young people I see going about starting their motivational speaking careers the wrong way. The little fox in this book starts out feeling grumpy when her/his parent is on the phone, ignoring her/him, and this sets the stage for the little fox to ask for reassurance and to find out that she/he will be loved, no matter what. Gliori’s (The Snow Lambs, Pure Dead Magic) rhyming text is sweet and reassuring; the parent fox always has a loving, reassuring answer to give the child. The first two examples are easy to see why a child might feel they need reassurance that they’ll still be loved–feeling awful and/or acting out when feeling grumpy or angry (grim and grumpy, and grumpy and grizzly bear). The next two examples were not as immediately clear to me, and didn’t feel as strongly written. After some thought, I realized that “squishy bug” and the child worrying if they’ll still get a hug might mean if the child was feeling unlovable–but I wish that connection were stronger. Still, a child needing reassurance that they will still be loved is a universal need. I also found it odd that Jensen included an Afterword focused on public scholarship or scholarly journalism. It was one of her more substantial chapters, longer than many of the chapters in the book. If this is so important to the book, why was it not in the body of the book? It was an odd writing choice which I can’t help but footnote under her credibility.

Louise Michelle Bombèr, Adoption Support Teacher for Brighton and Hove, Attachment Support Teacher Therapist for The Yellow Kite Attachment Support Service I highly recommend this book for anyone interested in personal growth and experiencing more wellbeing. As I was reading, I kept thinking of people I would love to gift a copy to.

Lisa snapped out of her misery and decided to own her problems so she could do something about them. And she did. Normally, when this happens, the rest as they say becomes history and people go on to make it big in the area of motivational speaking and use their story as a reference point: throw in the sexual molestation she experienced at age five, and the picture is complete. This is the ordinary model and of course Lisa was also sexually molested when she was only five! Lastly I want to talk about two ideas in Part 4, the section devoted to maintaining writing momentum, which I found quite interesting. The first is what Jensen calls "follow the lilt", where the lilt is a cheerful or lively voice when one is describing something interesting, enjoyable or highly engaging. By identifying the lilt in speech, you are able to spot potential future projects for yourself and in others. Follow the lilt. This book should be compulsory reading for potential adoptive parents and for those professionals who touch their lives and pretend to understand what the whole experience is about. Sally Donovan's account touches upon the depth of despair, unbearable strain on a small family unit, incompetent or insensitive professionals, and fairly non-existent support. And yet it is full of optimism and hope for the human spirit. Her approach to self-growth is so powerful, that I realized I've been neglecting myself way too much all this while and now I need to thank this book for waking me up to start 'doing myself' first, only by doing so I can serve my purpose and enrich others.