Polysecure: Attachment, Trauma and Consensual Nonmonogamy

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Scroll To Top What Polyamory Can Teach Us About Secure Attachment A new book provides lessons for everyone about cultivating strong emotional attachments with romantic partners. I don’t really have much experience with poly and have really only heard bits and pieces about it. This book is a pretty good introduction to that world but also is a succinct and action-oriented overview on attachment and trauma and how to heal one’s old attachment wounds. Mitchell, J. W. (2014). Between and within couple-level factors associated with gay male couples’ investment in a sexual agreement. AIDS and Behavior, 18(8), 1454–1465.

Mycah Katz contributed the idea for the manuscript and performed the bulk of the literature search and analysis. Ellen Katz researched and drafted the bulk of the section that defines and discusses attachment theory. Mycah drafted the sections on attachment theory through the lenses of monogamy and polyamory, as well as the empirical research on polyamory and attachment. Both authors contributed to editing and approved the final version of the manuscript. Corresponding author The HEARTS concept of attaching to our partners, and even, to ourselves, also great. Relationships aren't like bookcases from Ikea - each one is different, BUT having concrete steps to take to improve a relationship that we might not have thought of, is great. I also really liked the last section, on building a more secure relationship with ourselves.Garner, C., Person, M., Goddard, C., Patridge, A., & Bixby, T. (2019). Satisfaction in consensual nonmonogamy. The Family Journal: Counseling and Therapy for Couples and Families, 27(2), 115–121. Moors, A. C., Selterman, D. F., & Conley, T. D. (2017). Personality correlates of desire to engage in consensual non-monogamy among lesbian, gay, and bisexual individuals. Journal of Bisexuality, 17(4), 418–434. Rubel, A. N., & Bogaert, A. F. (2015). Consensual nonmonogamy: Psychological well-being and relationship quality correlates. Journal of Sex Research, 52(9), 961–982.

Stuchell, S. C. (2013). Monogamy. In R. E. Emery (Ed.), Cultural sociology of divorce: An encyclopedia (pp. 839–845). Sage.Klesse, C. (2006). Polyamory and its ‘others’: Contesting the terms of non-monogamy. Sexualities, 9(5), 565–583. Our technologies work with our own marker materials and own detection and sorting technology. Interdisciplinarity results in decisive synergies and innovations. Cooperations with renowned partners from research and industry contribute significantly to the technology platform. Being the attachment figure for more than one person can risk stretching us too thin, but that doesn’t just happen in polyamory. It can happen when we have more than one child, or if our own parents become childlike in old age—and those situations can threaten attachment with partners, as our attention shifts to those in need. That’s why Fern’s lessons for holding multiple attachments can be widely applied outside of romantic relationships. If we cultivate awareness of attachment styles and the attachments themselves, then we can more skillfully manage them. Ein-Dor, T., & Hirschberger, G. (2016). Rethinking attachment theory: From a theory of relationships to a theory of individual and group survival. Current Directions in Psychological Science, 25(4), 223–227. While this book isn't anything new to me (I read plenty of anarchist and psychotherapy texts post high school), it did remind me that knowing these theories is not enough. They need to be enacted, over and again, with our loved ones, and with patience and compassion. I'll admit, trauma recovery feels impossible to me more often than not, but I don't want to give up, because I know others have changed, and I myself have changed in small ways and in fleeting moments. I don't know if I'll ever breach the psychotic gulf between me and my parents, but I can at least be better to my friends who I run away from too much, to their pain and my own.