Throughout middle and high school, Jeremy had a crush on his female best friend. He never told her about it, but it was probably obvious — she was basically his only female friend in a group of nerdy boys. Uninterested in his affections, she would tell him about the boys she liked, and he’d readily share his advice on how to talk to them. Now 26 and living in Massachussetts, he’s noticed a similar dynamic emerging between the women he’s dated — there was the friend with benefits who enjoyed getting him riled up and then saying they should just be friends, and the ex who made a habit of telling him details about her new sex life. You waited too long to make your move and now you're in the friend zone," says Joey. "No no no, I'm not in the zone," protests Ross. Since then, the term has become so entrenched in mainstream dating conversation that a simple Google search for "friend zone" will yield countless self-help articles aimed at men in need of tips for avoiding the friend zone. It honestly feels sometimes like she sees me like one of her girlfriends. She gossips and jokes with me like that. It’s like she doesn’t even realise I’m a dude at times.

It's true that the friend zone has been weaponised as an additional strand to the thread of emasculation that runs through alt-right vitriol. But look a little closer at online conversations surrounding the friend zone concept, and you'll find a troubling link to misogyny and men's rights activism.She’s funny, she’s clever, she’s good at her job, she’s kind and incredibly sexy. Only problem is she has no idea how I feel about her and I’m so far deep in the friendzone. Instead, they refer to a man who suffers through disappointing or embarrassing outcomes with women he’s attracted to 😬 This occurred last summer, about a year ago now. Her and I had been good friends for a few years now, and she had no qualms about letting me in on some of the more personal details of her sex life. Of course, this is a two way street, and I shared intimate details with her about my sex life. We made a good team; sometimes we would wingman each other at bars. After my 31st birthday, I gave up and embraced my beta, friendzoned nature, and decided to be my best self my spoiling Superior Women instead of trying something I'm not up to the challenge for. 😇

Feminist activist Jean Hatchet says the friend zone is a loaded phrase used "to pressure women into having sex". "It is just another way to suggest that women are only valid if they are sexually available and pliant," says Hatchet. There's a girl (28yo, me 32) who I've been friend with for like 6-7 years. Then in 2017 she got into a relationship with a guy who used to be my best friend. At that point I already had romantic feelings for her (and of course she knew all along). Time passed, they seemed (keyword is seem) to be destined together forever.. then she found out he cheated on her, dumped him right away. Few weeks after this I confessed to her on chat (bad idea?)- I sad something like: "I guess you always knew how much I like you" I knew exactly she's gonna say this, so I'm not even sure why I confessed something we both know is obvious.. I guess I was like I got nothing to lose.Dr Marco T. Bastos -- a lecturer at City, University of London -- says he isn't surprised at all about the alt-right campaign's weaponisation of the friend zone. "Cultural re-appropriation (or misappropriation) has been one of the hallmarks of the alt-strategy and it consists of reclaiming terms or ideas previously used in a different context with dissimilar and often opposed meanings," says Bastos. So know we still chat, and we pretend this confession didn't even happen.. my friend told me if I had ANY self-confidence I would've stopped talking to her right after she denied me. :( The mainstream use of the term friend zone has been challenged lately. A recent Vice article entitled "The Friend Zone Isn’t a Thing and Women Don’t Owe You Shit" declared the concept a way to shame women for "exercising their right to say no just as 'slut' shames women for exercising their right to say yes". When gossiping the topic of her love life often comes up. Whilst she doesn’t share the gory details, she does often tell me when she’s had or is going on a date, tells me about the guy, and sometimes shows me a picture of them. I have to pretend to be positive and upbeat for her.